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While He Was Sleeping…


“If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”

A. A. Milne



The tradition we’d settled into was bittersweet. My son, Julian and I. Six months after the loss of my second son, Gabriel, my mornings with Julian had become the same routine. First, a melody would hit my ears…a new version of an old song…

“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream! Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, let the spider dream!”

Almost four-years-old, Julian was a happy love-bug back then, in the habit of welcoming each new day with this cheerful tune that he’d created, laughing and chatting with the stuffed animals he’d crammed onto his bed the night before. The door to his bedroom was always closed, and he waited in there for me to come in. Then, after our normal snuggle, Julian would hop up off the bed, run out the door and dash up the stairs to my bedroom. And I would sigh–or on “good days,” even chuckle–because, as usual, Julian had noticed that two teddy bears were missing. Someone moved them while he was sleeping, and he’d gone upstairs where he knew he’d find them in order to snatch them back.

Two bears, one pink and one brown. Two stuffed animals that were given to me as a child, that I’d decided to “pass on” to my child that had died. Their designated place was in my bedroom at the foot of my bed, next to the small wicker basket Gabriel had come home in, with his tiny blue baby blanket–never washed–folded and placed tidily inside.

I had stopped trying to explain to Julian that the bears belonged to his brother…it was obvious, by the twinkle in his eyes, that he already knew. But every night, without fail, I returned the two bears to their place by Gabriel’s basket, doing so, while Julian was sleeping…only to have him repeat the same routine the next day when he woke up.

And I would think every day as I watched him go…Just like siblings. One brother always trying to take the other one’s stuff. 

Thank you for sharing and liking any blog that moves you……have a special day.

Photo credit: <a href=”″>Linda Dannhoff</a> on <a href=””>VisualHunt</a&gt; / <a href=””&gt; CC BY</a>

Photo credit: <a href=””>peacay</a&gt; on <a href=””>Visual hunt</a> / <a href=””&gt; CC BY</a>

Photo credit: <a href=””>Swiv</a&gt; on <a href=””>VisualHunt</a&gt; / <a href=””&gt; CC BY-NC-ND</a>

Just living is not must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower. ~Hans Christian Andersen

I am a mother, a blogger and the author of the memoir Pitter-Pat: A Mother's Journey from Loss to New Life. I am currently in training to be a life coach through Martha Beck's Wayfinder Life Coach Training Program. I write about grief, love, and the beauty of new beginnings. My other interests are meditating, walking outside and doing pretty much anything that brings me closer to nature.


  1. Bev Donner
    April 28, 2018

    This is so beautifully written and your pain is so apparent. Your routine with the bears is so special and the Lord gave you Julian to be able to handle what you were going through.

  2. Erick
    April 28, 2018

    Touching story, your son is so sweet!

    • awakeningwildflower
      April 28, 2018

      I know… 🙂

  3. April 28, 2018

    So beautiful! ❤️

  4. May 1, 2018

    So beautiful & touching, Hugs & blessings to you.

    • awakeningwildflower
      May 1, 2018

      Thank you…blessings back to you. And plenty of hugs!

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