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The call

The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you, don’t go back to sleep! ~Rumi

It started with panic.

More often than not, the call to make a change in one’s life starts with panic. I’m not talking about mild anxiety or worrisome thoughts. I’m talking about a full-blown panic attack, where it seems as though the floor has been swept out from beneath your feet, and your body has decided to locate elsewhere. This type of experience has often been called the Dark Night of the Soul, hinting at an element of the mystical, spoken through the voice of the Soul. It is a painful process that is a precursor of change and transformation, and it is my belief that at some point in our lives, each and every one of us will be called to attend the event.

In my case, it wasn’t “one night.” It was three months of absolute hell, 24 hours of high anxiety alternating with panic attacks and hopelessness. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t breathe well and, of course, couldn’t relax. I knew I was in trouble when my weight dropped down to 90 pounds, which led to even more anxiety and panic caused by the belief that if things didn’t change, I would die. Eventually, I grew clearheaded enough to take a look at what was going on. What exactly is the Dark Night of the Soul… I ruminated…and what is it asking of me?

Put simply, the Dark Night of the Soul is the dying off of one’s ego. For our purposes here, think of the ego as the voice of all of the “should” statements in your mind, stressful thoughts formed by what you believe is expected of you. Thoughts like…I should become a doctor because that’s what will make Mom and Dad proud…I should lose weight because that will make me appear more attractive to others…I should eat my vegetables because that’s what healthy people do…I should work overtime because that’s the only way I’ll get ahead in this world.

Statements like these brainwash us, convincing us that there’s some sort of invisible rulebook for how we should live our lives, based on societal, cultural and family expectations. The problem is that maybe we don’t want to be a doctor, maybe we find it demoralizing to lose weight just to look good to others, maybe we don’t like eating vegetables, and maybe working overtime steals every ounce of freedom that we have. If this is the case, then our lives become a task, not the joy that God intended them to be, and the Soul inside of us, the Soul that came to earth with a plan for what it wanted to achieve in this lifetime, begins to get restless.

This restlessness typically occurs around mid-life and takes the form of physical, mental, emotional and/or spiritual issues. Our bodies began to hurt or become diseased, sleeping difficulties arise, and issues like depression, anxiety and panic become common everyday occurrences. We question who we are and why we’re here. We pray to God—and sometimes curse God, at the same time. We stumble around confused, hurting and lost, when all our Soul wants is for us to listen…and wake up.

Souls come to earth with intentions, with plans for what they want to achieve in each lifetime. When we veer away from that intended path and fall into patterns that don’t serve us, or live lives that are not allowing us to follow our bliss, issues arise, like the issues I mentioned above. Pain of any kind is an indicator, a message, not a problem. Your Soul will use pain as a way to communicate with you, as a way to ask you to get back on track. And Souls are persistent. They will do whatever it takes to bring you back on course.

So, what do you want? What do you really really want? How do you want to live? What career is calling to you? What lifestyle appeals to your senses? What routines, what hobbies would bring you peace? Who do you want to surround yourself with? What brings you joy?

Your job is to find your answers to questions like these, allowing the Universe to step in to take care of the rest. When we follow our joy, miracles happen. When we follow our bliss, things fall into place. That doesn’t mean we stop taking action and sit around on the couch all day waiting for things to “happen.” We do take action by following the path that makes us happy. What next step in life feels best to you? What direction on the path ahead of you brings relaxation instead of tension? Let go of how things will happen, let go of when…and bring your focus in on the one thing you can control: discover your “what.”

Intend to move towards joy. Put your full attention on what you want by visualizing and imagining the best. Then let go and allow the Universe to move in to create miracles, to bring opportunities that you never could have imagined on your own. In other words, get out of your own way, because…

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s about learning to dance in the rain. ~Vivian Greene

Just living is not must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower. ~Hans Christian Andersen

I am a mother, a blogger and the author of the memoir Pitter-Pat: A Mother's Journey from Loss to New Life. I am currently in training to be a life coach through Martha Beck's Wayfinder Life Coach Training Program. I write about grief, love, and the beauty of new beginnings. My other interests are meditating, walking outside and doing pretty much anything that brings me closer to nature.


  1. April 9, 2022

    I needed to read this! 💯. Thank you, Amy😊

    • awakening-wildflower
      April 9, 2022

      And I needed to write it, the words have been in my head for quite some time now. Thank you so much, Dwight!

    April 9, 2022

    Powerful. Everyone needs to read this. Thank you

    • awakening-wildflower
      April 9, 2022

      Thank you, Todd!

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